Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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