why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
