Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i think im in europe. pls send help
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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