Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
