please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
