I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
