You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Even the bartender felt bad for me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
