I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
