okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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