Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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