I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
