i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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