Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
