ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
