Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize