so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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