people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
