It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize