I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
