check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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