OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
