oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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