If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
