Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously