I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.