3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
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i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity