Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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