Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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