Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
