she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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