please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
