Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
