we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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