it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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