so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize