Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
