btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
