i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
one might say we're banned from that church
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
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When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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