so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
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he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
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I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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