I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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