i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
