I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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