remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
