i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
