So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
