I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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