You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
even my farts smell like vagina
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
