so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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