did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
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I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
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Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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