The maid of honor just puked.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
