All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
