He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
