this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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