Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
home. puking in laundry basket.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
