Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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