I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
