Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
