Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
