I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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