so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
