You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
