He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
