Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
