I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
