Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
