weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
